A Number Of Shorts Concerning Hinata Hyuga
by Chopkins
Summary: I come up with a lot of these.
1. The Dangers Of Smoking

**The Dangers Of Smoking**

Hinata was walking through a dangerously dark alleyway, late one night when a pineapple appeared out of nowhere, successfully scaring the crap out of her.

"AHH! OH MY GOD!" She shrieked. But it was no pineapple at all. "Oh… it's just you, Shikamaru…"

"Yeah…" He replied. "Cig?" He held out a pack of cigarettes.

Fearing further rejection by her peers who already thought she was weird for having such a breathy, sexy voice and no pupils, she took him up on his offer. "Umm… okay."

But before she could take the cigarette a powerful woman's voice called out "HAULT!" There was an explosion of purple mist and moments later—once it had all cleared—a tall, dark figure appeared from it.

"AHH! IT'S THAT CRAZY WOMAN FROM THE CHUNIN EXAMS!" Hinata exclaimed.

"Man, what a drag." Shikamaru replied.

" 'Drag', eh? Interesting choice of words!" Anko exclaimed. "And you, Hinata, what have your parents always told you?!"

"Umm… 'You suck'?" Hinata replied.

Anko looked at her blankly. "… About smoking."

"Oh… 'Don't'?"

"Exactly."

Shikamaru gave Anko a dirty look. "Well Asuma smokes, so why can't I?!"

Anko laughed. "Let's have a look into the future, shall we?"

Shikamaru and Hinata stared at her like she was crazy. She paid them no mind, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a handful of purple glitter. She threw it on the ground, creating the purple mist she had appeared in. When it cleared, the three of them had arrived… IN THE FURUTURE! DUN-DUN-DUHHH!!!

"Oh hey, there's Asuma." Shikamaru pointed out.

"You can see him, but he can't see us." Anko said. "See, where phantasmal… like an aneurysm."

"Aneurysms aren't phantasmal." Hinata argued. "That's what killed my uncle Hizashi… or at least that's what they told people…"

Just then, Asuma's guillotined head went rolling past.

"Holy shit!" Shikamaru exclaimed.

"See kids, the moral of this story is you shouldn't smoke… 'cause you'll get decapitated." Anko explained. "Got that?"

Shikamaru and Hinata nodded their heads furiously.

"Good."

**Author's note:** Not my best writing, but I wasn't exactly taking this seriously. It's just a short. I like Hinata; she's my favorite female character of the moment.


	2. Muppet's Melodrama

**Muppet's Melodrama**

It happened that one day, at Kurenai's house, Kiba and Hinata were watching reruns of Jim Henson's _The Muppets_ for lack of anything better to do, when Hinata started becoming emotional.

"Why doesn't Kermit love Miss Piggy?" She asked, not expecting Kiba to answer, which was good, because he didn't know what to tell her. "I mean, she's a strong, attractive, young woman—so what if she doesn't have pink hair! She's still good enough! And she loves him so much!" She began to cry, making Kiba feel awkward. "Why can't he see that?!"

"Uhh… Are you…" Kiba started, but he had no idea what to say in this sort of situation (after all, he's a thirteen-year-old boy; they're not the most intuitive).

Just then, Kurenai entered the room.

"Oh gawd!" She sighed, noticing the television and Hinata in her fragile state. "Kiba, what have I told you about letting Hinata watch _The Muppets_?! Now she's all wound-up and she's not gonna be able to eat dinner and we'll never get her to go to bed!"

"It's just so sad!" Hinata wailed.

"I know, hun." Kurenai replied, putting her arm around Hinata's shoulder. "Why don't we go get you a popsicle?"

"Why won't Kermit love me?!" Hinata cried, as Kurenai led her into the kitchen.

"Because he's a pigheaded man who's only thinking about himself." And with that, the two ladies were gone, into the kitchen, leaving Kiba to scratch his head and wonder why girls where so high-strung.

**Author's Note:** My friends told me about a fan-club called "Hinata is afraid of Muppets" and that's what inspired this short. For those of you who didn't catch on, Kermit The Frog symbolizes Naruto and Miss Piggy symbolizes Hinata.


	3. Let's Get The Quiet Girl Drunk

**Let's Get The Quiet Girl Hammered**

One evening, Team Gai threw a party. Why? Because parties are youthful. Hinata thought to herself that this would be the perfect time for her to get closer to a certainly white boy in an orange jumpsuit that she may or may not have been completely and totally enamored with. But how could she do that when it was so painfully obvious that she suffers cripplingly low self-esteem, especially when it came to her relationships with the opposite sex (which may or may not have anything to do with the fact the her relationship with her father—Big Daddy Hyuga, head of the Hyuga family—was less than perfect). There had to be a solution… but what?

"We're gonna get you piss drunk!" Ino told her, holding several bottles of vodka in both hands.

"Umm… Ino… Why do are you helping me?" Hinata asked. "I mean, I'm grateful and all… but I don't think you and I have ever even looked at each other straight on before.

"You're right." Ino sighed. "The truth is… I'm just a bitch."

"Okay, true, go on."

"I like getting people drunk and then watching them make complete and total asses of themselves." Ino explained. "Which reminds me, I spiked Rock Lee's drink about an hour ago; he should be picking a fight with someone twice his strength right about now! I better go watch!" And with that, Ino dashed into the living room, leaving the vodka on the kitchen counter.

Hinata stood there for a moment, staring at the many bottles of vodka. She knew that if she drank some, she would lose her inhibitions and finally be able to tell Naruto how she really felt about him. So she picked up a bottle, opened it up and took a swig.

She coughed. "Uck! … Tastes like vomit… Vomit that's on fire."

It was at that point that Sakura entered the kitchen, catching Hinata in the act.

"AHH! Pink-haired girl!" She exclaimed. "What are you doing in here?!"

"Getting some ice. Somebody spiked Lee's drink and now he thinks he's Super Man, so he challenged Sasuke to a duel for my affection… Sasuke punched him in the mouth… Now he's bleeding all over the living room floor." Sakura explained. "Ya know, it's kinda lame having all these guys fighting over you sometimes."

"I hate you." Hinata mumbled.

"Huh?"

"Nothing!"

It was then that Sakura noticed the bottle in Hinata's hand and asked "So Hinata… what's with all the booze?"

"Ino told me it would be easier to talk to Naruto if I was really drunk." Hinata replied.

"Oh don't listen to her, she's a bitch."

"She mentioned something like that."

Sakura lectured on. "And alcohol, you know, is no substitute for good old-fashioned self-confiden—" She stopped herself in mid-sentence, realizing she was actually discouraging someone from trying to take Naruto off of her hands. "Actually, on second thought, drink up. I need to get this ice into Lee before he starts hemorrhaging."

An hour-and-a-half and a bottle-and-a-half of vodka later, Hinata was fully plastered and ready to talk to Naruto. But by this time she was so far gone that she had completely forgotten the reason she was drinking in the first place, and she was off to find her cousin, Neji.

Little known fact about kids from Konoha: vodka makes them invincible! … No, not really, but they certainly seem to think so.

"Hey! Hey you! Nnnnnnnnneji!" Hinata slurred, approaching her cousin who was talking to Tenten, who was trying to convince him that the two of them should go make-out in the broom closet, but he insisted that Shikamaru was in there with some fat chick and he didn't want to walk in on something unsightly. Tenten was going to clarify that the fat chick in question was actually Choji, but she didn't figure it would be helping her case any, so she just kept that bit of information to herself.

"Uhh… Hi Hinata." He greeted. The two of them didn't exactly have the greatest relationship to begin with, and the fact that he had tried to murder her during the preliminaries to the final round of the Chunin Exams hadn't helped things.

"Hi Hinata yourself, douche bag!" She exclaimed. "Ya know… Nuji… I'm… I'm sick of all you… you and your… your prodjijy… projiny… pronajy… ALL YOUR CRAP!"

"Uhh…"

"SHUT UP! … Hinata's talking…" She snapped. "Ya know… you… you're just mad 'cause… 'cause YOUR NAME… starts with a nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn…" She explained, or at least tried to. "And it doesn't start with a hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… like Hinata, or _Honeybee _or… Hiawatha… or whatever the fuck my dad's name is."

Suddenly everything became clear to Neji. "Hinata, are you drunk?"

"I'LL TELL YOU WHEN I'VE HAD ENOUGH!!!" Hinata shrieked, before suffering from a massive mood-swing and having a breakdown on the floor. "… Why?! … WHY WON'T ANYBODY LOVE HINATA?!"

The next day, Hinata woke up with a hellish hang-over the next day and vowed never to listen to Ino or any other Sakura-archetype again.

**Author's Note:** … There really isn't much to say about this one. I like it a lot… a lot, a lot.


End file.
